Free Weekends

I've been a single mom since day one. 


Our "visitation schedule" has been pretty consistent for the last 4 years. Drew lives with me an visits his dad every Wednesday and every other weekend. This is what we've agreed upon and made work. 


But I hate it. 
I hate sharing AT ALL. I don't want to be without my son on Wednesdays. I hate dropping him off at school every other Friday and knowing I won't see him until Monday. It sucks and I am not a fan of "visitation" AT ALL. 


But "visitation" isn't about me, it's about Drew getting to spend time with his dad. So I don't complain about it... and always encourage Drew to have a great relationship with his dad. 


So with this schedule intact... I have what are known to friends and family as "Free Weekends". Weekends without Drew. I prefer to call them "Weekends from Hell". Any time people ask about my plans for the weekend or want to invite us to something, they always ask if it's my Free Weekend.. or if I'll have Drew. 


While I hate the sharing of the child... I have to admit we've all become so accustom to it. I make plans to get the car worked on or my hair done only on weekends I don't have Drew. I plan anything that he wouldn't want to go to on weekends he's at his dad's. My dentist and doctor appointments are always on Wednesday afternoons. 


Luckily my sister and I both have our kids on the same weekends so we always plan stuff when we have the kids. This is the same on his dad's side, which works out so no one misses out. 


On my Free Weekends I can clean the house or lay around for hours doing nothing... I can eat ice cream for breakfast and not worry about being a bad example.


But more often than not, I find myself wishing I wasn't "Free".  I want the smiles, the laughs and even the attitude that comes along with my favorite kid on earth. I want the hugs, kisses and tickle sessions. I want the peace that comes with knowing exactly where Drew is and what he is doing at every moment... even if some of those moments are spent with him following me around the house. I want my favorite shopping partner, my best friend, and the love of my life. 


But as long as Drew as happy... and we've had no complaints from him on this schedule.. than this is the way it'll be. And I'll just be "Free" to miss my baby like crazy.