Not really sure when or how it started. I swear I don't remember always being this way. Maybe it happened when I became a mom...
I am EXTREMELY conscious of time.
All day.. every day... I have to know what time it is at every moment.
There are certain things in my life that are planned for specific times of the day. Actually, 90% of my day is scheduled. I know exactly what I'll be doing at 6:45 am on the weekdays. I have to leave the house at a specific time every day. The entire drive to work is spent glancing at the clock, and figuring out how many minutes until I get there, and approximately what time I will arrive. Crazy!!
Breakfast, lunch and dinner are at the same time EVERY day. At 11:20 am, I am sitting at my desk figuring out what I need to get done in the next 40 minutes because everything stops at 12:00 for lunch. There isn't a strict rule in the office about lunch time.. but for some reason there's a strict rule in MY head.
I must glance at the clock about 100 times a day. Checking the time is absolutely the thing I do the most with my phone.
Routine and schedule are now HUGE necessities in my life. I will seriously stress out if we are not home by 5:00pm so that dinner can by ready by 5:30. Bed time is at 8:00pm on the dot. Maybe even a few minutes early, just so I can be sure we're in there at 8:00.
I've realized lately that this is a problem. Not everything needs to revolve around the clock. What is it possibly going to hurt if we eat at 5:45 instead of 5:30? Is the world going to end if I don't wake Drew up exactly at 6:10 every morning?
I stress out about any time conflict and it affects my son. He sees me stressed so he stresses... and he's the one that has to hear me complain or make him rush if we're even running 2 minutes late for the time I have planned to leave for the grocery store.
It's ridiculous!! I recognize this as a problem... and now I need to find a way to change it. I do realize the importance of structure, routines and schedule for a child.. and even for a family... but that should only apply to the big stuff... like getting to school and work on time.
We are pretty scheduled here too. I get it, really, I do. I often find myself breaking up sections of the mail routes by the clock so I know for future reference if I need to break it up, how long it will take. *sigh*
ReplyDeleteBut I have also learned to not look at the clock on weekends only. Sundays we eat only when we're hungry. Bed time is around 8 or 9, depending on how tired we are, and errands get done, well, when they get done.
Not living by the clock just one or two days a week is very freeing for me. The rest of the week though, it's done as scheduled. :)