The Wall.....

I wish I could pin point the exact day I started... not sure why, just because... 


I'm guessing it was at age 13... 


13 was an interestingly, difficult, romantic (i know), life changing year for me... 

I believe that's the year I started laying the foundation for "The Wall"...


The beginning of the wall was built with anger, frustration, and desperation... 
Now I need to mention this, the wall was never an intention. It wasn't in the plans at all.. it was built because I felt it was necessary... very necessary. The foundation of the wall was built by Mom, Daniel, Dad.... and my self. 


Then a few years later... around age 16... I started adding more layers to the wall.. 

These layers were all my responsibility. No one contributed to these... the blame for these layers was completely in my hands. These layers were built with disgust, trust, failure, fear, lies, pain and love. From age 15 to 19 I added 34 layers to that wall.... These are MY layers... unintentional... but fully aware.

Many people have noticed the wall.... countless have been affected by the wall... and just about everyone has been kept out by the wall... The sturdy foundation, the added 34 layers.. and counting.. allowed the wall to do exactly what it was built for... 

To this day, there have been 3 people who have been allowed to look over the wall.... Never stepping foot on the other side, of course, even though one tried more than his heart was capable of... 

In 2003, the wall became a fortress... the wall instantly shot up 50 feet higher.. became 20 feet thicker.... a moat was built around the wall... a security was on high alert 24/7/365..... these layers were built with love, hope, fear, devotion, responsibility, dedication and determination.... 

On October 21, 2003 after giving birth to my beautiful son, I wrapped him up tightly in his blanket.. the moon & stars one I made him .... and carried him inside the fortress and locked all 3,563 doors behind us. My Drew would be the only one ever allowed on the other side of the wall.... 

On that day the wall took on a whole new meaning... this was no longer just MY wall... this was OUR wall. The wall would now be used to protect my innocent little angel from every thing and everyone I could.. at any and all costs... 

And for the last 6 years, that wall has stood strong... and proud... not even slightly phased by the attempts made to climb over it... or peek inside... or heaven forbid, destroy it.... 

But this week the wall was tested once again.... tested by a person who knows the wall... very well... a person who knows the purpose and the strength behind the wall.... a person who I expected to agree with, understand and respect the wall, and help me to keep it intact..... 

And the wall stood strong.... but the wall once again grew... in height, and in depth... this time adding layers out of fear, desperation, tears, disappointment, hurt, and anger.   

The wall is permanent.... and apparently, ever-growing.... some times part of me wishes the wall had never been created.... but every day I'm reminded of the necessity of the wall... 

The wall is permanent. 

Under the Weather..

My little angel is sick today... not good.. 
He's been running a fever since yesterday and when he coughs.. or sneezes.. he sounds like a seal..


So little man is spending the morning at work with mommy until we can get into the doctor... who didn't have any available appointments until this afternoon. 


Not an ideal situation... but it's the reality of a single working mother... of a sick little man. 


Hope everyone else is enjoying their Wednesday... Happy Hump Day!! 2 more days to go till the weekend!!

Hello January

So I'm a bit late... it's been January for 20 days now.. oh well, better late than never. 


So far 2010 hasn't been so bad. A friend of mine at work lost his job, which really sucks... 
but other than that I have no complaints.

I took my first trip of the year to the beach on January 10th... and it was perfect. There were hardly any people out there and the weather was amazing. Only in Southern California can you get a tan in January... It was a little "Me Trip"... just a good book and a caramel macchiato to keep me company. 

and last weekend we went up to Vasquez Rocks for a little hiking. We met my mom and my sister's family (minus my migraine-stricken-sister) out there and had a very exhausting, but enjoyable day. Once again, great weather and no complaints. 

Little Man & I waiting outside the dentist...

Drew is still in his Michael Jackson phase, which makes for some pretty entertaining nights around the house... or in Wal-mart... or Starbucks... wherever the mood to dance strikes him.

So far so good in January ..... Hope the rest of the year continues well.

Drew has a doctors appointment in February to have an abnormal mole checked out on his head... of course I'm already panicking and trying to stress... but I'll wait till we get the results before I fully freak out... but I am hoping for the best as always when it comes to my angel.