I'm guessing it was at age 13...
13 was an interestingly, difficult, romantic (i know), life changing year for me...
The beginning of the wall was built with anger, frustration, and desperation...
Now I need to mention this, the wall was never an intention. It wasn't in the plans at all.. it was built because I felt it was necessary... very necessary. The foundation of the wall was built by Mom, Daniel, Dad.... and my self.
Then a few years later... around age 16... I started adding more layers to the wall..
These layers were all my responsibility. No one contributed to these... the blame for these layers was completely in my hands. These layers were built with disgust, trust, failure, fear, lies, pain and love. From age 15 to 19 I added 34 layers to that wall.... These are MY layers... unintentional... but fully aware.
Many people have noticed the wall.... countless have been affected by the wall... and just about everyone has been kept out by the wall... The sturdy foundation, the added 34 layers.. and counting.. allowed the wall to do exactly what it was built for...
To this day, there have been 3 people who have been allowed to look over the wall.... Never stepping foot on the other side, of course, even though one tried more than his heart was capable of...
In 2003, the wall became a fortress... the wall instantly shot up 50 feet higher.. became 20 feet thicker.... a moat was built around the wall... a security was on high alert 24/7/365..... these layers were built with love, hope, fear, devotion, responsibility, dedication and determination....
On October 21, 2003 after giving birth to my beautiful son, I wrapped him up tightly in his blanket.. the moon & stars one I made him .... and carried him inside the fortress and locked all 3,563 doors behind us. My Drew would be the only one ever allowed on the other side of the wall....
On that day the wall took on a whole new meaning... this was no longer just MY wall... this was OUR wall. The wall would now be used to protect my innocent little angel from every thing and everyone I could.. at any and all costs...
And for the last 6 years, that wall has stood strong... and proud... not even slightly phased by the attempts made to climb over it... or peek inside... or heaven forbid, destroy it....
But this week the wall was tested once again.... tested by a person who knows the wall... very well... a person who knows the purpose and the strength behind the wall.... a person who I expected to agree with, understand and respect the wall, and help me to keep it intact.....
And the wall stood strong.... but the wall once again grew... in height, and in depth... this time adding layers out of fear, desperation, tears, disappointment, hurt, and anger.
The wall is permanent.... and apparently, ever-growing.... some times part of me wishes the wall had never been created.... but every day I'm reminded of the necessity of the wall...
The wall is permanent.
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