Some think my little man has an attitude (I agree... but not when it comes to this). Some think he's rude. Other's use the word "Antisocial".
Call it what you will.. but here are the facts:
-Drew is not a fan of people. With the exception of: Me, his cousin Justin, and his dad.
-Drew will ignore someone if he has no desire to hear what they say.. no matter who it is.
-Drew will not say hello or even acknowledge your presence in a room unless you are one of the "privileged" 3 people.
-Drew has zero desire to play with most kids under the age of 10. Unless you have a full understanding of chess, can carry on a conversation about the NFL or MLB, or can list at least 10 Michael Jackson songs, Drew will probably not speak to you.
I'm really not sure which, if any, label really applies to my son. But antisocial does sound about right.
A few recent examples of this:
-While at the home of some of our friends, Drew ignored their 6 year old daughter as she sat right next to him asking if he wanted to play on the computer with her. The mother of the girl stopped the conversation we were having to tell Drew he was being rude and to stop ignoring her daughter. Drew didn't even look at the mother.. or the daughter. (I addressed this with him right away... he was beyond rude!)
-When we arrived at my nephews baseball game the only person Drew addressed was his oldest cousin, Justin. Didn't even say hi to my sister or her stepdaughter. And when my mom arrived... nothing.
-We had friends over to our house to visit. Drew sat right next to me the whole time and refused to play with their children.
I'm having a little dilemma with all of this. I fully acknowledge that some of Drew's behavior is just plain RUDE. Regardless of who he LIKES, he still needs to be polite and respectful. But... I admit, this is how I raised him.
When Drew was a baby and didn't want to go with someone who wanted to hold him, I wouldn't make him. Ever. When he got a little older and we went somewhere, I never made him speak to anyone, even just acknowledging them with a "Hello". I didn't want to force Drew to do anything. I've always said that school & the doctor are the only times he'll never have a choice. But for everything else, I wanted him to choose. I didn't see it necessary for him to say hi to someone he had no desire to speak to... even if it was his grandmother.
I'm ok with my son being antisocial. I don't really like people either. But I am not ok with him being rude. Being perceived as rude is one thing... and we couldn't care less about what anyone else thinks.. but actually being rude, is just unacceptable.
It's a work in progress. We discussed it a lot this weekend. So now we'll see how it goes.
"I'm ok with my son being antisocial. I don't really like people either."
ReplyDeleteI usually don't say things on other's blogs regarding their kids because we are all different and we didn't write the manual, but that statement resounds with me for you. You have alluded to this before and it may be why he is the way he is - he takes clues from you.
I never, ever made my kids do anything they didn't want to, go to other people, hug, talk to etc - but they didn't watch us be rude either and they also watched us being affectionate and caring to our family and friends - even polite to strangers. We just felt that it was important to set an example of politeness and courtesy.
Not saying you aren't all of these things but after 5 of the little buggers I have seen they only do what they are taught and what they see at home at Drew's age when it comes to social interaction - their clues come from us.
I hope I am saying this right, but Drew can't learn what he isn't seeing.
And the kicker for me was "I didn't see it necessary for him to say hi to someone he had no desire to speak to... even if it was his grandmother." Not exactly a good way to foster a relationship with his grandparents by ignoring them and being rude in the process.
Sorry if my opinion isn't popular...I am not trying to annoy you, and most times I don't say anything when you post, but...
I think every child is different. I am very outgoing and friendly and a people person, but God made everyone the way they are for a reason. My friends son Jeremy is in 7th grade he likes to play by himself and doesn't really enjoy social gatherings. I think that's perfectly fine.
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