Moving Forward...

The time for change has come.... 


But first, here is an adorable picture of my little monster on Halloween.

Drew was with his dad this year for Halloween so I didn't actually get to see him... *Heart broken Mama over here* but I  was sent a couple pictures. Drew wanted to be a werewolf from the "Thriller" video for Halloween. Sure the make up was cool.. and having hair glued to his face was neat... but the only thing he kept talking about was the fact the he was gonna have the jacket... boy did he want that jacket. 
I missed my little man on Halloween.. but I'm glad he had a great time. 


***** Now, in other news.......


I've decided to move forward...
Now I completely dread cleaning.. of any form.. so I avoid it at all costs...
however; the time has come for some mental and emotional "house" cleaning.

I took the time to do some reflecting..and over thinking.. this last couple weeks.. 
I realized that since I had Drew six years ago I had changed a lot in my life...
I changed a lot about the way I lived and the way I thought.. and surely, the way I felt...


But I also realized that I hadn't changed enough...
in one way in particular, I was still the girl I was at 19... and I don't want to be anymore..


I chose a way of life.. a way I would interact in most relationships I had with people in my life... and it worked for me.. at that point in my life.. and even for the last 5 years or so.... 


but not anymore.


I want to move forward... 
now I'm not even sure of exactly what I mean by that... but for starters, it means removing people from my life that will prevent me from becoming the person.. the mom.. the woman.. that I want to be.

There is one person that I knew I had to start with... all the rest would be easier.. 


This man had been a part of my life for almost 8 years... he's played a role that couldn't possibly ever be named... maybe that's because it was more like 15 or 20 roles... but to me it was one.
This is a good man... with a good heart... 
He allowed me to be myself... always.. encouraged me to find myself.. learn more.. be completely honest at all times... not once did he ever try to hold be back from what I wanted or needed.


We both chose to lead lifestyles that were untraditional and went against what most of our friends and families believed. . . it's what connected the two of us though.


I don't have a single negative word to say about this man.. however; this is because I believe that people treat you how YOU let them.... and this is the reason for my need to remove him from my life.
He's played the role that I've allowed him to ... the role I asked him to play... but I no longer need someone to play THAT role in my life... and unfortunately there's no way he could play any other. 
That was his role... 

Change is never easy... this one certainly hasn't been.... but necessary and easy don't always go hand in hand... 

So I'll be moving forward.... and cleaning house... *not literally, let's not get carried away here

I'm looking forward to this new life... waiting to see what's behind the next door in life I choose to open.